Tuesday, October 8, 2013

You Know You Are Pregnant When...

  • You have to cross your legs quick before you sneeze
  • You change sides of the bed with your hubby so you can be closer to the bathroom. In the beginning for throwing up and after that for peeing 100 times a night!
  • You crave pickles and a brownie right after
  • You stop wearing shoes you have to tie because its a pain in the butt to bend to tie them
  • You crave everything known to man that you cannot eat (food restrictions)
  • Showering is absolutely exhausting
  • The strangest commercials make you cry
  • Everything makes you cry
  • Strangers touch your belly. Um, hello, just because there is a tiny human growing in there doesn't mean you can touch me!
  • You want to tear your husbands head off for leaving the blinker on too long in the car and then cry because you got mad at him for leaving the blinker on too long
  • You get heartburn just looking at certain foods
  • You HAVE to have Mexican at 10pm and are willing to drive anywhere to find it if your hubby doesn't
  • Your husband has to push you out of bed because you are stuck and cant roll
  • You swear you smell something even if no one else in the house does
  • Your kid gets to eat junk food because you are craving it and didn't feel like hiding it
  • You eat chocolate in the bathroom or closet because you don't want to share with your kid
  • You get stuck in the booth at a restaurant
  • You want to punch people in the face
  • You find yourself constantly looking at baby pictures on the internet
  • You beg a doctor to put a gigantic needle in your back
  • You buy 4 jars of pickles
  • You bounce off of things because you forget you have a belly
  • You forget you are pregnant and something moves inside of you and you think, "what the hell was that" oh yeah
  • You buy the entire grocery store because everything looks so good
  • You are craving spaghetti, a hamburger, pizza, ice cream, a pie and a pickle all for the same meal!
  • You are SO FULL from dinner and then 5 minutes later you want to eat again
  • You get up in the middle of the night to pee for the 100th time and decide its a good time to go eat a snack at 3am
  • Colace and miralax are your best friends
  • Your secret candy stash has grown 3 times in size
  • Your boobs would make Pamela Anderson jealous 
  • You have to look in the baby isle every single time you go to Target
  • You drop something and say screw it and walk away
  • You are thirsty ALL THE TIME
  • Your husband gains 20 pounds because every time you send him out for food, he has to get something too
  • You use your husbands electric razor to shave your legs because its easier and you wont fall on your butt in the shower trying to twist and turn to get around your belly
  • You wake up in the dead of sleep screaming in pain from a charlie horse, smack your husband yelling "RUB IT, I CAN'T REACH," and he starts just poking it with one finger because he is dead to the world. Then you yell, "FORGET IT" which promptly wakes him up in a panic to rub it out!!

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